Losing our baby

So here we are a week and half after the day we'll likely never forget about when one day we have a healthy baby measuring 15 weeks and the next we're saying goodbye. The worst part is perhaps not knowing what caused it which will forever leave us wondering if it is something we could have avoided. I cant help but to wonder why this happened to us and perhaps, that is the number one question I'd like to understand one day. I am a firm believer that things usually happen for a good reason and that beyond all measures, I am not in control- God is. I understand and rely heavily on my faith to get me through the rough times and this was no different.

Miscarriage is an awful word used to indicate someone losing their child. Regardless of how far along you are, it is devastating and weakening to the soul. You question everything, right down to your faith. I've been on countless blogs reading about how people have coped with this and how they get through it. I'm finding more and more that it is so unfortunate that the people who are capable of caring, loving and supporting a child deal with this type of loss more often than it is spoken.

While at the hospital, we encountered kindness that is rare in a hospital, nurses sat and cried with us and held our hand as we tried to understand. We met one nurse in particular who helped us heal tremendously in sharing her story of loss with us- the sincerity and gratitude in her words were like a magic potion, it changed our perspective immediately. When you experience something like this, the idea of trying to have another baby seems torturous, the thought of experiencing this again is unbearable to think about. But that night that we spent in the hospital was an awakening, the words we heard from that nurse were healing to the soul- we had hope.

Coming home to Mason was everything we needed, we hugged him close and tight and prayed with him. We kissed him and thanked God for this amazing miracle we have of holding a healthy, happy and loving son.

Even as we try to go back to normal, thoughts of our baby linger in the air, we want to forget the situation but never the memory of a baby angel who was called before taking the first breath.